


Unsaid Promises

by hongpikachu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic, breaking up is a shitty topic i know, implied cheolsoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongpikachu/pseuds/hongpikachu
Summary: when you don't expect a break-up, you won't know what to do





	

**Author's Note:**

> for those who don't know the song it's What Does My Heart Become by Younha

_ You said you loved me _

_ You said you wouldn’t let go _

_ Even if everyone in the world left me _

_ You said you’d stay by my side _

_ You said you meant it _

_ You said you promised _

_ You clearly said that we would be each other’s last _

 

Winter has always been Jeonghan’s favorite season. He loved the cold and the snow, the fact that he has days off from work due to the snow, using the chance to hang out with his friends or snuggle up under the blankets. He loves warm cocoa, the sound of carolers outside during December, the snow, the free gifts, children playing and laughing outside. 

 

He most especially loves it because he always had a warm palm to hold during cold winter nights. He loves how he has someone to share a cake with on Christmas, someone to see the fireworks with during the New Year, a warm body to embrace if he gets too cold.

 

Jeonghan loves how warm Seungcheol’s breath on his skin feels whenever the latter whispers sweet nothings and words on his ear, fingers intertwined and a clothed chest pressed on his back. It was all perfect. Too perfect, in fact, that he believed that if he woke up the next day, he would continue to be happy. Seungcheol would be a man of his words, despite not labelling them as promises. 

 

“We’ll be together forever.” And Seungcheol’s voice sounded oh so sweet as honey, Jeonghan knows he’d always believe him. 

  
  


_ But now what do I become? _

_ What becomes of my heart that believed in all those things? _

_ Please don’t do this _

 

Jeonghan asks the question to himself one morning as he looks at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. 

 

Dark circles have formed due to the sleepless nights he’s spent, hoping that someday Seungcheol walks in the front door and tells him that all of it was a mistake.

 

His eyes were red and puffy, a result of mornings that were spent drenching his pillow with tears as he realizes that he’s gonna wake up and face the day alone, even if the sensation of a warm palm lingers on his hand. 

 

Lips were pale and chapped, probably tired of begging thin air for Choi goddamned Seungcheol to come back and kiss these lips back to life. 

 

He was a mess, and he doesn’t know what to do except to cry once again.

 

_ You’re trying everything to get far from me _

_ I’m trying everything to hold onto you _

_ This hurts, seeing us like this hurts _

 

Another afternoon is spent taking short glances at his phone, occasionally grabbing a hold of it and scrolling through the messages, only to start crying again. Why he can’t bring himself to delete the words Seungcheol made him believe, up until today he still doesn’t understand.

 

Shaking fingers grab a hold of the soju bottle. The tears blur his vision so he doesn’t realize how much he’s downed and how much is left, only to be disappointed when he was down to his last gulp. He’s back to losing his senses and dials Seungcheol’s number out of habit. The older would always be there to come to Jeonghan’s aid at times like this.

 

He only cries harder when he’s directed to the voicemail.

 

_ I spend all day, coming up with an excuse to hold onto you _

_ But you still get far away and it hurts _

_ Seeing us like this hurts _

 

“Seungcheol, your puppy knocked on my door again.”

 

He texts the said male, for probably the seventh time this month. He’s waited for three months and he sees the same straight row of green bubbles with the same text. However, today was different. There was finally a white dot and somehow Jeonghan felt a spark of hope.

 

“Keep it. Don’t contact me anymore.”

 

And just like how high his hopes have been, his heart drops just as fast at the text. He dials Seungcheol’s number again, out of desperation, and it takes a lot of his strength and two more rings before he decides to end the call. The pain in his chest was too much to bear so he curls up in the bed as his only source of comfort. 

 

He suddenly wonders if Seungcheol feels this kind of pain too.

 

_ Today more than yesterday _

_ Tomorrow more than today _

_ You said you would care for me and love me _

_ You clearly said that back then _

 

Up until today he dreams of Seungcheol’s voice. If he were awake, he could consider all these to be flashbacks. And each time he wakes up, he remembers every single word, every burning sensation that lingers where the older’s fingers would touch, the way his lips feel numb whenever they kiss, the way his stomach flutters when they bask in each other’s presence.

 

But reality is cold and harsh, just like the wind that blows and lands on his skin. Winter has passed yet it still feels like the snow has just fallen on him when he’s so vulnerable, so unprotected.

 

**_“Please don’t do this.”_ **

 

_ Holding onto you, who can’t be held onto _

_ Letting go of you, who I can’t let go _

_ I can’t do it _

 

Seungcheol is like the winter wind, Jeonghan thinks one spring morning as the breeze blew so gracefully.  He was out to clean up his garden, only sighing at the thought of how he was asked on a first date. The memory was vivid as if it just happened yesterday.

 

But just like the photographs scattered around the room, the phone number still memorized in his head, the messages that he can’t afford to delete, Jeonghan just could not manage to let go.

 

_ From your lips that softly kissed my forehead _

_ The cold words of breaking up hurt so much _

_ Those words hurt so much _

 

“Forehead kisses are special to me, I only give them to people I really love.” He remembers every word that spilled from Seungcheol’s lips the time he got confused why he doesn’t get kissed on the lips as often. And the thought of Seungcheol’s lips on his cheek instead of his forehead after they broke up made everything seem clear as air. For countless times in those five months, his heart clenches once more.

 

_ Your touch that used to wipe away my tears _

_ Now it’s pushing me away from you _

_ It’s like a wall, my heart aches _

 

Day by day the remainders of their physical mementos start to pile up in a corner, only to be covered with a large blue curtain draped over it. He couldn’t bring himself to throw them away but he knows he has to move on, so he’s taking these small steps. However what doesn’t disappear is the ghosting feeling of soft and plush lips, a rough palm brushing on his cheeks, and the touch haunts him, suffocating him every night in tears.

 

“I hate you for everything, Choi Seungcheol.”

 

But for the longest time in what seemed like forever, he finally uttered out the words that nobody would expect to hear from him.  

 

_ “It hurts that the thing that broke down wasn’t that wall but love instead.” _

  
  


_ Having to preciously keep all those words _

_ Having to keep those promises of being together by myself _

 

He’s on the edge of his seat, looking at the window outside the cafe. It’s been days since he last went outside and somehow the aroma of brewed coffee and oven-fresh pastry was new to him, as well as the sight of the rain outside and a familiar face sharing an umbrella with a handsome brunette. 

 

From then on he knows that it’s all over and he has to deal with either fulfilling Seungcheol’s promises to someone new, or to bury them six feet under the ground.

 

_ “What becomes of my heart? _

_ If you do this, what becomes of my heart?” _

 

Five months, a thousand reruns of their favorite drama, and fifteen tubs of ice cream after, they’ve stopped talking, but Jeonghan still doesn’t know what to do.

 

_ Having to long for you who won’t return _

_ “You said you’d stay by my side” _

 

He most certainly did, but maybe he didn’t mean those words, Jeonghan thinks one day when he looks through the photographs, thinking that he’s already moved on after one last cry from the other night. 

 

_ Having to get tired from waiting without promise _

_ “You said you meant it.” _

 

Three years after and he doesn’t know why he sometimes takes deep breaths passing by the neighborhood where Seungcheol lived, or feels a pang on his chest when he passes by the places where they kissed. He wasn’t sure if it was longing, sadness, or anger. Eitherway, none of it felt amazing and he just wants to breathe.

 

_ “You said you loved me” _

_ What becomes of my heart? _

 

But he has come to think of it, if he sees Seungcheol out of the blue what would he first tell him? Would he ask for an explanation? Would he be angry and cry? Or would he think of something else to say? When he came to know the and make friends with the thoughts inside his head, he knows it would be best to stay quiet.

 

_ “You clearly said that we would be each other’s last.” _

  
  
  



End file.
